Last year, we did a DC Comics/NFL Mock Draft, and since working on that was so much fun, I wanted to make it a yearly tradition. This year I wanted to work with one of my favorite all-time TV shows: Dragon Ball Z.
There has been a lot going on with the series lately as Dragon Ball Super has been going on for awhile now, but the English dub is really far behind the Japanese version. To avoid spoilers for the English-following viewers, I'm not including any characters that appear after the Resurrection F arc.
The position breakdown is as follows:
QB - 4
RB - 3
FB - 1
WR - 3
TE - 2
O Line - 4
D Line - 4
LB - 3
CB - 2
FS - 2
SS - 2
Special Teams - 2* Keep in mind that the strongest characters won't necessarily make the best football players, or fit well on a specific team. There are a lot of other factors to consider, and I mention them in the descriptions.
1. Cleveland Browns
Goku - RB
Player Comparison: Bo Jackson, Le’Veon Bell
The Browns improved their offensive line a lot this offseason, so let’s give them someone to create holes for. Goku's talents, competitiveness, countless abilities, work ethic, attitude, and ability to get along with everyone makes him the complete package. He’s literally everything you'd want in your first overall pick. From the moment he is drafted, the Cleveland Browns will have a new piece to cater their offense to, and a completely changed locker room.
2. San Francisco 49ers
Vegeta - QB
Player Comparison: Joe Montana, Tom Brady
Vegeta is a brilliant strategist, and one of the most talented athletes here. The two knocks on him is that he isn't the best when it comes to teamwork, and isn't particularly clutch as he hasn't gotten his shining moment. Those are easy things to overlook though, since the 49ers desperately need a quarterback and culture change. Vegeta's demeanor and drive will take them places.
3. Chicago Bears
Beerus - MLB
Player Comparison: Ray Lewis, Navorro Bowman
A lot of people are confused as to why Beerus won’t be the first or second overall pick, but he has some serious shortcomings when it comes to his personality. He is lazy, lax, and simply doesn’t care about the game of football. In fact, the only thing he likes about Earth is its food. However, he is more talented than Goku or Vegeta. That, coupled with his fiery, competitive nature will be too tempting for the the Bears to pass on.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars
Whis - FS
Player Comparison: Ronnie Lott, Devin McCourty
Whis is at the top of every big board, and is easily the best player in this draft. However, he doesn't take interest in Earth's sporting events, and would rather just eat the food the planet has to offer. He's fast and smooth enough to cover sideline-to-sideline with ease though, so he'd be a welcome addition to any defense. But he’s fully comfortable with being a bystander in tough situations too. It wouldn’t be a surprise for us to find Whis just watching opposing teams run into the end zone. Although it's been stated that Whis is more reliable than Beerus, he doesn't have the competitiveness his student has.
5. Tennessee Titans (via Rams)
Golden Frieza - SS
Player Comparison: Troy Polamalu, Kam Chancellor
Golden Frieza has the speed to cover lots of ground, and loves to lay hard hits on his opponents. His downside is that he often gets tired and isn’t able to finish games as well as he starts them. He also carries a sense of arrogance and entitlement, which would be distasteful for his teammates (Although I doubt anyone would have the courage to stand up to him). The Titans desperately need an upgrade in their secondary, and Frieza would inject a sense of fear in their defense.
6. New York Jets
Bardock - QB
Bardock - QB
Player Comparison: Brett Favre, Aaron Rodgers
The Jets have a ton of problems, but they’ll look to solve their biggest one with the selection of this standoffish warrior. Bardock always had struggles getting respect from his peers as he wasn’t expected to amount to much, yet despite all this, he won the admiration of those few that were close to him through his insurmountable drive to succeed, and innate ability to lead. His personality gives us the impression that he’ll have a hard time getting along with others, but we think the entire Jets organization will see his hard work and talent on full display.
7. Los Angeles Chargers
Future Trunks - CB
Player Comparison: Charles Woodson, Marcus Peters
Joey Bosa has been a massive upgrade to the Chargers defense, but he can’t do it all by himself. The Chargers look to upgrade their secondary and deem that Trunks is the best fit as he’s very likable, and carries a serious attitude. His tough beginnings forced him to grow up quickly, so even though he’s one of the youngest on this draft board, he’s very mature. To some it may seem like a reach, but the pick makes sense, especially if you have some foresight.
8. Carolina Panthers
Gotenks - RB
Player Comparison: Barry Sanders, LeSean McCoy
The Panthers need to inject some life to their team, and adding this young blood would help in that regard. He’s full of energy and is unorthodox in his playing style, making him hard to predict and tackle. Despite all his talent though, he seems to have a hard time playing in the second half of games. After being phenomenal for the beginning of games, he makes up some excuse and runs off somewhere. Carolina could get creative though and use him as a secret weapon for second halves of games if need be though. All-in-all, the Panthers have to love the kind of talent they’re getting here, and Gotenks should get along great with franchise QB Cam Newton since they both love to celebrate so much.
9. Cincinnati Bengals
Janemba - TE
Player Comparison: Shannon Sharpe, Jimmy Graham
The Bengals should draft Janemba here so that they can use the middle of the field better and open up their playbook. I’m sure A.J. Green would appreciate the help too. Janemba’s abilities are absolutely mesmerizing and plentiful, and any coach would be excited to get to use them to their advantage.
10. Buffalo Bills
Gohan - QB
Player Comparison: Peyton Manning, Andrew Luck
Gohan has a ton of potential (maybe more than anyone else in this entire draft), but hasn’t been keeping up with the physical side of things. However, he is also blessed with a studied mind that helps him read defenses and plan how his offenses should run. The Bills also need someone who is capable of getting the ball to Sammy Watkins, so it’s a perfect fit.
11. New Orleans Saints
Kid Buu - DE
Player Comparison: Michael Strahan, J.J. Watt
Kid Buu is a freak of nature. Don’t let his misleading size fool you, Buu is an absolute monster on the edge. He’s got an endless motor, packs incredible punch, can contort his body as he sees fit, and can take punishment really well. The Saints haven’t had a good defense since they won the Super Bowl, and if they want to make Drew Brees’ and Adrian Peterson’s final years count, they’re going to have to beef up that side of the ball.
12. Cleveland Browns (via Eagles)
Piccolo - MLB
Player Comparison: Brian Urlacher, Luke Kuechly
With another quarterback going just a few picks ahead of them, the Browns find themselves in a bind. They can go a few different routes: get the last remaining quarterback, get some weapons on the outside or improve their defense as their line and secondary are both lacking. After looking at the draft pool, they feel as if Piccolo would be their best fit as he’s very intellectual and can captain their defense. He also has a surprising amount of speed and can gather tackles by stretching his arms to cover much of the entire field. Him and Goku get along great and have a nice rivalry to keep each other at the peak of their games.
13. Arizona Cardinals
Cell - OLB
Player Comparison: Terrell Suggs, JaDaveon Clowney
The Cardinals hit a home run on this pick as they get one of the most versatile commodities here in Cell. With his wide variety of techniques, ability to bulk up when needed, and smarts, Cell promises to help Arizona re-form a vaunted defense.
14. Philadelphia Eagles (via Vikings)
Super Buu - TE
Player Comparison: Mike Ditka, Jason Witten
It’s rare for two tight ends to go this early in a draft, but the Eagles don’t want to risk this talent dropping further in the draft than he already has. Super Buu is the cream of the crop based on all of the strange abilities he has, so he gives you the complete package at tight end. He can manipulate his body in any way, is highly durable, and is more calculating than you would think.
15. Indianapolis Colts
Android 16 - LT
Player Comparison: Walter Jones, Joe Thomas
Android 16’s deep affection for life makes him very protective over his friends and teammates. Any quarterback would have no doubts about their blind side if they know Android 16 is there. The Colts also need to protect Andrew Luck as some point in his career. Seriously, how long can they go without making significant upgrades to their offensive line?
16. Baltimore Ravens
Broly - DT
Player Comparison: Howie Long, Ndamukong Suh
The guy has a strange obsession with Goku and is a complete nutjob because of that. With that in mind, the Ravens selected him knowing that they would face Goku in their division twice a year. Broly has great size and his talents are immeasurable, which would make this Ravens defense all the more scary.
17. Washington Redskins
Mira - RB
Player Comparison: LaDainian Tomlinson, David Johnson
This is the best possible value pick in the entire draft, and the Redskins must be ecstatic here to land him. Mira is interesting as much of what he’s capable of has been learned through peers in this draft class, making him incredibly versatile. Line him up in the backfield, out wide, maybe behind center for trick plays; he can do it all. His unlimited thirst for power is icing on the cake.
18. Tennessee Titans
Android 17 - WR
Player Comparison: Randy Moss, Odell Beckham Jr.
Marcus Mariota is going to have a lot of fun with this new toy, who is bound to make some exciting plays with his slim, athletic frame. He also never gets tired and can shield himself with a barrier if he's ever caught in traffic, so feel free to force feed him the ball throughout the entire game.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Lord Slug - RT
Lord Slug - RT
Player Comparison: Bob St. Clair, Russell Okung
The Buccaneers end up with a nice pick here as they get a massive boost to their offensive line. Slug’s frame is quite large as it is, but his ability to grow helps him cover insane amounts of ground, making it hard for defensive linemen to get around him. On top of that, he seems to share a lot of similar abilities with Piccolo. This bodes well for youngster Jameis Winston and bulldozer Doug Martin.
20. Denver Broncos
Majin Buu - G
Player Comparison: Will Shields, Steve Hutchinson
It’s shocking to see Majin Buu be taken so late, granted all that he’s accomplished in the Dragonball series itself, but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. He is wide enough to give some solid protection, strong enough to win some battles in the trenches, and thinks very highly of himself, so you won’t see him backing down from any competitors soon. Denver needs to improve their line more than anything, so Majin Buu is a welcome addition.
21. Detroit Lions
Cooler - WR
Player Comparison: James Lofton, Larry Fitzgerald
The Lions haven’t had a reliable top receiver since Megatron retired, and they’ll need Cooler to fill that void from Day 1. Cooler is sleek, plays with a vengeance, and has some great techniques to make him a vital piece to any football team, but his durability is what really makes him special. The Lions can continually give him the ball without having to worry about any risk of injury. It’s also said that he discovered another transformation, but whether or not he can access that form in his new body is still questionable.
22. Miami Dolphins
Android 18 - CB
Player Comparison: Deion Sanders, Joe Haden
Ryan Tannehill may not be the most beautiful product on the field, but he did just help his team have a successful 10-6 season, so the Dolphins will probably stick with him again. However, they can still get the best available player and boost their secondary with Android 18. She’s got very similar talents to her twin brother, 17. While not the biggest cornerback around, she never runs out of energy and she uses that to take advantage of her supreme athleticism.
23. New York Giants
Yajirobe - FB
Player Comparison: Mike Tolbert, Marcel Reece
The Giants make a very surprising pick here in picking this fat, lazy guy. However, it actually looks like a genius pick as he’s incredibly sneaky when it counts, and can cover up some holes to give the running game some breathing room.
24. Oakland Raiders
Tien - FS
Player Comparison: Darren Sharper, Eric Weddle
The Raiders need a lot of help in their secondary. Tien helps a lot by relying on a wide variety of techniques and having one of the best work ethics in this entire draft. Moves like the solar flare to blind opposing players, or growing extra arms to help get a hand on a ball in the air can pay dividends to a team. Something else that isn’t noted as often when talking about Tien is how strong he is mentally. This will prevent him from having mental lapses.
25. Houston Texans
Jaco - WR
Player Comparison: Chad Ochocino, Marvin Jones
Jaco is a really compelling pick. He’s fully convinced that he’s elite, despite being cowardly, and loves to celebrate. But let’s not let that get in the way of realizing how elusive he actually is. His fancy footwork makes him tough to take down.
26. Seattle Seahawks
Krillin - KR/PR/WR
Player Comparison: Joshua Cribbs, Tyreke Hill
Being a returner in the league is not an easy job. You have to be reliable, and willing to take punishment as everyone is just running as fast as they can to tackle you. Krillin may not be the strongest guy around, but he’s brave and someone a team can reliably count on. Seattle will make a lot out of this pick as they need someone to replace Ricardo Lockette. And if anyone is going to make full use of Krillin, it would be Pete Carroll.
27. Kansas City Chiefs
Towa - QB
Player Comparison: Johnny Unitas, Alex Smith
I’d have to imagine that Kansas City is considering of trying to get an upgrade to Alex Smith after some bounces from the playoffs for the past few years. However, they’ll end up with a quarterback who shares some similar qualities to the guy they’re trying to replace. Towa isn’t the physical freak that other quarterbacks are, but she makes her living off of great ball placement, and impeccable timing-two of the most necessary traits for a quarterback to have.
28. Dallas Cowboys
King Cold - NT
Player Comparison: Richard Seymour, Haloti Ngata
King Cold has great size and respectable strength, but outside of that we really don’t know what he’s fully capable of. He got his power through a mutation, so we’re not even sure if he put much work to reach the level he did. What we do know though, is that he’s quite knowledgeable about the universe, as he knows of both Beerus’ and Buu’s existence. Regardless, Dallas needed an upgrade on the defensive side of things, and King Cold at least seems to be the most promising.
29. Green Bay Packers
Turles - SS
Player Comparison: Rodney Harrison, T.J. Ward
Turles is constantly found eating some kind of fruit that he claims to be natural. We question that because it could be mistaken for PEDs, but as long as he doesn’t test positive, the Packers will be happy here. Turles loves to lay massive beatdowns on his opponents (and actually had one of the series’ best ones against Goku).
30. Pittsburgh Steelers
Chiaotzu - DE
Player Comparison: ?
Chiaotzu isn’t physically strong, but he makes he helps the Steelers through his magical powers. He’s also able to sneak up on others and can get some sacks/tackles for losses every so often. The most intriguing thing about Chiaotzu is that he can stun his opponents, essentially taking them out of the play.
31. Atlanta Falcons
Yamcha - K/P
Player Comparison: Ray Guy, Shane Lechler
Yamcha is a wuss, but because of his spirit ball technique, he can do some magical things when it comes to ball placement. Matt Bryant is still a really good kicker, so the Falcons will mostly use him as a punter to pin opponents inside their own 10 on most occasions.
32. New Orleans Saints (via Patriots)
Master Roshi - C
Player Comparison: Jeff Saturday, Alex Mack
Roshi has seen a lot in his days and makes for a brilliant Center because of that. He can call out plays before they happen, and read situations extremely well. The old man also bulks up when in his max power form, so that should help him stand up to the other vicious linemen in this draft. Newly acquired Adrian Peterson will really like this pick as it gives him some nice holes to run through in the inside.
Mr. Irrelevant
Hercule Satan - QB
Player Comparison: Jamarcus Russell, Johnny Manziel
The guy loves himself to death, but apparently, so do the fans of the world. The only thing he’d contribute to a football team when compared to the other draftees is his ability to sell jerseys. He’d be a total hit and would top all charts in that regard.
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